On a cold night in London, Nathan and Maria decide to go for a swim in a pond on Hampstead Heath. After diving in to the cold, cold water Nathan surfaces and has no idea what is happening to him. He seems to have split into two selves. He is experiencing terrible pain and it feels like a huge hand is pushing him down. This was Nathan’s first episode of what he eventually came to know as depersonalisation, an illness which was to plague him for years to come as he searched for treatment and, most importantly, recognition.
While Nathan is searching for information on his condition he undertakes an exhaustive study into people who are similarly afflicted. Although he writes about how badly he was affected he has a strong, attractive personality; from my reading, after his shocking introduction to depersonalisation he seems to have been able to function well enough to travel, form a strong, valuable friendship and complete his PHD while constantly researching the illness and trying to find someone who could treat it.
Nathan is obviously highly intelligent and very witty. I would like to quote a few lines when he is describing a person he believes did him a great wrong: “The dreams I had for my life were robbed, trampled on, ridiculed, and what’s more, the culprit had terrible eyebrows and a fake accent. But despite his parodic manner and arch douchiness , maybe it wasn’t his fault.”
Nathan includes a lot of data in this book. It is a deeply personal memoir of his investigations into the workings of his own brain and into the subject of depersonalisation which he is generously sharing with those who may not have heard of it, or who may want to know more about it or, indeed, who are suffering from this frightening and at times emotionally crippling condition.
Published by Murdoch Books, an imprint of Allen & Unwin
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